Today the EU primarily serves a tone-deaf bureaucratic and political class, which lives a high life on the back of people it nothing but aggravates. But surely not everything is bad? Indeed, the EU is looking after us….one might well ask, what would we do without it? I give you a few random examples of the great things the EU does for us citizens:

1. We sleep like babies:

There are 109 EU regulations concerning pillows, 5 EU regulations concerning pillow cases, and 50 EU laws regulating duvets and sheets.

2. You shall have shiny teeth, citizen!

Our toothbrushes are regulated by 31 EU laws.

3. Best apples in the world, man – the Class 1 EU regulated apple – no-one will ever manage to deceive you again about the color of the apple he’s trying to sell you:

In order to class a “Red Variety” apple as “class 1”, 50% of its surface must be red. To class a “Mixed red coloring variety” of apple as a “class 1” apple, 33% of its surface must be red, and so it goes for the 3 quality classes and 287 individually named apple varieties. The only slight drawback: due to the protectionist agricultural policies of the “free market supporting” EU, that class 1 apple costs at least 40% more than it otherwise would. The same goes for every other fruit and vegetable you buy.