Have you heard? Kim Jong Un is missing. Which can only mean one thing: He has been overthrown! His little sister, Kim Yo Jong, now runs the showin the most isolated nation on Earth. Or is it that the entire Kim dynasty, steward of North Korea for decades, is now out? It was a coup! The North Korean grand poobah finally got too big for his britches, what with ordering men to mimic his haircut and feeding his uncle to wild dogs, and was deposed. Boom.

Wait a minute. Kim Jong Un is sick! It’s true, he has been “getting fatter” lately. He does love cheese: “Kim Jong Un broke his ankle after he had put on extra weight from regularly consuming imported cheese,” reported India Today. Or is it gout? He has gout! “The increasingly obese Kim is merely suffering from a physical ailment, most likely gout, according to reports by South Korean media,” said Bloomberg Businessweek.

Does Kim Jong Un have Ebola? Is he a member of ISIS? Is he selling meaton the side of the road in China? Where’s Dennis Rodman? Is he available for an interview?

North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un, who normally revels in the oddities of his profession, has not been seen by the world for 37 days, and the Internet is about to explode. But it’s nothing compared to what will happen Friday if he’s a no-show at the celebration of North Korea’s 69th anniversary.

David Fuller's view

Every photo featuring Kim Jong Un looks like a scene from a parody film.  In the Governance is Everything department, consider the difference between North Korea and South Korea.