I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy banker well nursed is at thirty years old a most delicious, nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked or boiled; and I make no doubt that he will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout.

The following types may be considered variously tasty and will suit a range of household budgets.

Commercial banker
Not being built for speed, the commercial banker is a somewhat fatty concoction, but may go some way towards the feeding of a large family. Especially having devoured so many himself over recent years.

Investment banker
A leaner form, if not outright stringy, having been starved of business of late.

Central banker
a) The Ben Bernank
The Ben Bernank is a fibrous if not grizzled sort, but on the positive side requires little cooking preparation, being mostly hairless. Unfortunately the Ben Bernank has also been inflating for years, and has resorted to all sorts of unnatural stimulus in his search for growth, so cannot be considered organically sound.

b) The Mervyn King
The Mervyn King can be easily captured, as it can normally be found in a nervous flap most of the time, rushing around in ever-decreasing circles, and is invariably caught slowing down badly. The Mervyn King has also been trying to inflate but with mixed results to date. The Mervyn King contains particular fleshy delicacies just below the ribs, known to expert chefs as the Penfolds. Both the Bernank and the King central bankers are prodigious devourers of currency.

I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavouring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive than the public good of my country, by advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the taxpayer, and giving some pleasure to the rich. I know no bankers by which I can propose to get a single penny; all of my friends are productive members of the community.

(with apologies to Jonathan Swift.)