I bring news of great progress in our campaign against the infidel. Thanks to some sterling work on the part of various operatives, the global financial system is now very close to complete collapse.

As you are aware, Project Mwahahahaha was initially activated under Double Agent Nixon, who back in 1971 managed to introduce a system of global currencies unbacked by anything - unless you count faith in politicians. (LOL.) It was expanded under Double Agent Greenspan (in just about everything he did), and given a fresh pair of legs thanks to Agents Gramm, Leach and Bliley who managed to get our friends in Congress to repeal the last remnants of 1933's Glass-Steagall Act, which prohibited commercial banks from behaving like investment banks - i.e. failing spectacularly at vast public expense.

In recent years, progress toward the full implementation of Project Mwahahahaha has accelerated faster than in our wildest dreams. Agent Abdul's invention of sub-prime CDOs was an absolute corker - well done, brother. And Agent Khalid's idea of getting most of Europe behind a common currency with no escape route - what can I say ? Pure genius. A mention in dispatches should also go to our UK operatives, Agents Brown, King and Goodwin, who although they sound like a 60s popular soul combo, have surely done more to ensure systemic banking disaster than anybody else on our payroll. In fact, it now transpires that they were actually never even on our payroll in the first place ! They were working for us for free. Result !

But Project Mwahahahaha would never have showered its bounty of fruits upon us without the help of those of you tirelessly working on the part of Project Liebor. (You know who you are.) Now that nobody trusts banks even to quote a decent line from Woody Allen, let alone a 3 month Sterling fixed rate, we can say for sure that our grand project is very nearly complete. (And as some of you may already know, our Head of IT, Imad, recently resigned to go work undercover on our behalf at RBS. Respect, Imad !)

David Fuller's view Sacha Baron Cohen, move over.